Sherlock Holmes Surprise Party
From The Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia
Sherlock Holmes Surprise Party is a sketch from the 302th episode (season 16, episode 16) of the American show Saturday Night Live, produced by NBC, aired on 23 march 1991, starring Jeremy Irons as Sherlock Holmes and Phil Hartman as Dr. Watson. 5 minutes.
Dr. Watson, Mrs. Hudson, Inspector Lestrade, Irene Adler and Sir Reginald Musgrave has prepared a surprise party for Sherlock Holmes. Before Holmes enters, they all hide in the sitting-room. When Holmes arrives, he deduces that a party is going on and find each one hiding places. When they offer him presents, he deduces all the gift before opening the boxes. Fed up, they all get out, leaving Holmes alone. But Holmes deduces that they are waiting behind the door and he says "Surprise!" to them while opening the door...
Dr. Watson (Phil Hartman)
- Sherlock Holmes : Jeremy Irons
- Dr. Watson : Phil Hartman
- Mrs. Hudson : Jan Hooks
- Sir Reginald Musgrave : Kevin Nealon
- Inspector Lestrade : Mike Myers
- Irene Adler : Victoria Jackson
Inspector Lestrade : See him yet, Dr. Watson?
Dr. Watson : Not yet, Inspector Lestrade. Professor Moriarty was to keep Holmes at the restaurant until 8:30. If all is going according to plan, he should appear at any moment now.
Inspector Lestrade : I can't wait to see the look on his face! Why, the pipe will fall right out of his mouth, it will!
Dr. Watson : You know, Holmes has never had a “surprise” party before.
Inspector Lestrade : All the more reason for him not to suspect!
Dr. Watson : Mrs. Hudson, is everything ready?
Mrs. Hudson : The cake is in the kitchen, and the presents are out of sight, Dr. Watson!
Irene Adler : Oh! Here he comes!
Dr. Watson : Great Scot! Now, remember. When I say, “How's the weather, Holmes?” everyone jumps out and yells, “Surprise!”
Mrs. Hudson : Oh, I'm all a-flutter!
Dr. Watson : Alright! Hide, everyone! Hide! Holmes? Is that you?
Sherlock Holmes : Why, Watson, a surprise party. How delightful.
Dr. Watson : A suprise party? Why, whatever are you talking about?
Sherlock Holmes : Oh, come, come, my dear Watson. It's obvious that several of my good friends are hiding in this room at this very moment. For example, judging by these size 14 Scotland Yard-issued galoshes, I would say that Inspector Lestrade is hiding, at this moment, behind these curtains.
Dr. Watson : Oh, oh, oh.
Inspector Lestrade : Alright, you caught me, Holmes. Happy Birthday.
Sherlock Holmes : And the boughs in the floorboards here tells me that, rather than visiting her sister in Sussex, Mrs. Hudson is on her knees and hands behind the windback.
Dr. Watson : Good Heavens, Holmes! Amazing!
Mrs. Hudson : Very impressive, Mr. Holmes.
Dr. Watson : Well, Holmes, you got everyone one of us. We're all here.
Sherlock Holmes : All except for two, Watson.
Dr. Watson : Two? I don't know what you're talking about, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes : It is not I who is doing the talking, Watson. It is the Oriental.
Dr. Watson : The carpet talking! Preposterous!
Sherlock Holmes : These two set of footprints lead to the alcove, where we shall find a lady of high breeding, accompanied by a gentleman with a pronounced limp.
Dr. Watson : Astounding, Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes : Hmm, Irene Adler and Sir Reginald Musgrave. This is a surprise.
Irene Adler : Happy Birthday, Sherlock.
Sir Reginald Musgrave : Remarkable, Holmes. I injured my ankle just yesterday.
Sherlock Holmes : Hmm, riding accident. Horse spooked by a passing locomotive, I would say?
Sir Reginald Musgrave : Yes.
Inspector Lestrade : Well, well I suppose it was a bit presumptious to think that we could fool the great Sherlock Holmes.
Mrs. Hudson : Well, forget the surprise, but you're still having a birthday cake, whether you like it or not, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes : Stop, Mrs. Hudson! No need to light the other 37 candles. I wont be blowing them out!
Mrs. Hudson : And, and why not?
Sherlock Holmes : As you attempted to light the first candle, a tiny spark portrayed the presence of magnesium nitrate. These are Jokey Joke Candles! They cannot be blown out!
Mrs. Hudson : Yes, Mrs. Holmes, that's supposed to be part of the fun!
Sherlock Holmes : Ah! As I suspected!
Dr. Watson : Well, there's still plenty of fun to be had, why don't you open your presents, Holmes? Only, no guessing!
Sherlock Holmes : No guessing required, Watson. Ah, thank you for the new calabash, Lestrade.
Inspector Lestrade : Amazing, Mr. Holmes! How did you know that?
Sherlock Holmes : Well, I noticed you are smoking a brand new briar, which you purchased yourself when buying me my new calabash, which should come in handy when smoking the packet of cherry walnut tobacco Mrs. Hudson purchased for me at Mrs. Dunhill of Piccadilly.
Mrs. Hudson : Oranges and lemons, the bells of St. Climons! How ever did you know that!
Sherlock Holmes : Elementary, Mrs. Hudson. You neglected to remove the label!
Mrs. Hudson : Ah, yes well well.
Sherlock Holmes : And this, I think, is from you, Watson. A new pair of silk stockings, and a garter belt, and lime-green feather boa.
Dr. Watson : Remarkable, Holmes, though I wish you hadn't told everyone.
Inspector Lestrade : We all knew, we all knew.
Sherlock Holmes : And, finally, this rather large package, containing... a new magnifying glass eith an ebony handle.
Dr. Watson : Great Scot!
Sherlock Holmes : Now, I suspect you would like to know the process through which I deduced that there was such a small article in such a large package?
Everyone : No!
Mrs. Hudson : You know, a real friend would at least pretend to be surprised, instead of poking a hole in everyone's bagpipe! Come on, everybody, let's go, party's over!
Sir Reginald Musgrave : So long.
Irene Adler : Happy Birthday!
Sherlock Holmes : Thank you.
Dr. Watson : I think I'll be getting some fresh air as well.
Sherlock Holmes : As you wish, Watson.
Sherlock Holmes : Odd. Hmm, all five, including Watson, leaving simultaneuously. Of course. Surprise!
Dr. Watson : Happy Birthday, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes : Thank you, thank you! Please come in! Why, this is the most exciting birthday I've ever had!